Last night I was watching Maria Bamford’s new show Lady Dynamite (which incidentally is the best comedy I’ve seen in years), and in the second episode there’s a part where she madly drives to her date’s house and climbs in through his window. The song playing in the background is a twangy Bakersfield country tune of the sort that I unconditionally love, so I paused the show and Googled the lyrics to find it.
The only result that came up –the ONLY RESULT– was a Tumblr blog called The Softest Working Man in Show Business, which is run by an unknown entity named the FantomSquid and apparently solely dedicated to researching 20th century Canadian pop culture oddities. In an August 9, 2015 post, the FantomSquid embedded a recording of the song from the show, along with a faithfully transcribed set of lyrics. It turns out that the Haggard-esque stomper that had so entranced me was titled “Theme from Lecter and the Fedd,” and had been recorded by Woody Burl, Jr. The FantomSquid also helpfully added that it had been a number-one hit in Germany for three weeks in 1994. There was no other information.
Needless to say, I was intrigued.
Googling combinations of “Woody Burl,” “Lecter and the Fedd,” and “FantomSquid” all led me back to the same Tumblr post. There was no trace to be found, no clues, no hints. I was left only with dead ends and questions that subdivided into still more questions. Who was this Woody Burl, Jr.? Did he really never record another song? Why was his obvious talent ignored by the Nashville establishment? Was his given name really Woody? It must be, since his father was apparently also named Woody. But why was there no evidence online that either of the Burls, Elder or Younger, had ever existed? And where did the Germans fit in?
Furthermore, the song itself was an enigma. To quote the refrain:
Yeah, we’re Lecter and the Fedd
Lecter and the Fedd
Stoppin’ crime and haulin’ on time
That’s the job of Lecter and the Fedd
What on earth does that mean? What or who was “the Fedd?” I threw myself back into my research. Hours, days passed. Finally, I unearthed the little-trafficked Twitter page of a man named Bernard Benjimin. His profile picture struck my heart like a thunderbolt. It appeared to be a shot from the opening credits sequence of a television show; an old-style cabover tractor-trailer upon which were superimposed the words “Lecter and the Fedd.” The words “and the” were inside a gold sheriff’s star.
This was big.
Bernard’s bio was brief and to the point: “Just a man caught up in the endless search for Canadian TV classic Lecter and the Fedd, which may or may not be real, apparently.” His pinned tweet was a link to the Fantom Squid’s blog with a disturbing caption: “IT HAS A THEME SONG! IT HAS TO BE REAL! THIS IS NOT A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION!!!”
I sat back in my chair, stunned. I was not alone, I reflected. Others, too, had been ensnared by Woody Burl’s siren song, others too had unheedingly followed that voice. Kindred souls, were Bernard and I. But I would not crash upon the rocks.
Subsequent investigation of Bernard’s Twitter feed revealed little. His cover photo was a grainy video still of two men behind the wheel of a truck, but the image quality was too low to make out details. Previous activity was mostly concerned with posting cat videos and retweeting 1990s wrestling stars. Bernard could take me no further.
I took stock of the facts, of which there were precious few. Lecter and the Fedd had, or perhaps had not, been a Canadian TV show, a “classic,” in Bernard’s telling. It had a theme song by a man who did not exist. And tractor trailers were involved. I grew disheartened. Perhaps this was worthless. Perhaps there was no point. Perhaps there was nothing.
No, I thought. I would see this through. And there was only one place I could go, one man or possibly incorporeal cephalopod that could give me what I needed. I went back to the FantomSquid.
I dug through the archives of the Squid’s blog until I found it. A lengthy post entitled, “CANADIAN TV GOLD: Lecter and the Fedd.” Here it was. And it was everything I had hoped for.
Lecter and the Fedd was a popular buddy cop/trucker show that ran for five seasons on Canadian television in the mid 1990s in which FBI agent Lance Fannis (alias trucker Jeb Fedd) teamed up with serial killer Hannibal Lecter to solve mysteries across the highways and byways of the American West. Yes. Oh yes. It acquired a cult following in Germany, which held its first FeddFest in 1994. The show was also popular in Finland, Austria, and Japan, but never aired in the United States. And the FantomSquid, who evidently was quite a fan, had a favorite episode called “Where’st Went the Waybill?,” guest-starring William Shatner in what I can only assume is a truly gripping half-hour of television.
But despite the thrill of discovery, and the obvious awesomeness of the show, I was left with some nagging questions. Why was there no other information? Was this all a sick joke perpetrated by that Canadian bastard the FantomSquid? If so, his machinations had already claimed one casualty in the clearly deranged Bernard Benjimin. And so if anyone out there has more information, or God forbid, access to episodes of this show, TELL ME IMMEDIATELY.